FullaBella's Journal, 03 Dec 19

Transformation Tuesday?

I really admire everyone’s transformation sharing. It has inspired me to be brave and share mine.

Even though I didn’t return to FatSecret until January it has been a year since the Doc scared the bejeezus out of me enough to try to improve my health. Again. I was making small changes but coming back here has been made it much easier as I get so much inspiration and support from you all.

But then I started sorting through old photographs and thought ‘well, which two do I choose?’ as this weight loss has been an issue for decades. I’ve shared here before that I have lost & regained massive amounts of weight several times over the years.

So this really isn’t a ‘transformation’ photo as much as it’s a ‘this is what an eating disorder looks like’ photo.

There is a photo missing from between 2001 & 2011 (around 2006) when I lost over 120 lbs. Up and down the scale over decades.

For the record, I’m not proud of this. I’m just being honest about it.

Is this supposed to inspire anyone? I don’t know. Maybe it will .. to show.. ‘Never give up trying?’

Will THIS be the time I fix it forever? I don’t really know. I hope so. Hope, I hope, I hope. All I can say is ‘Stay tuned’ as I am my own personal cliffhanger.

It’s taken every ounce of nerve I have to even post this.

PS: Yes, I know, there’s an extra ‘97 photo but that’s of me holding my firstborn grandson in my arms and I think that deserves an extra slot.


View Diet Calendar, 03 December 2019:
1722 kcal Fat: 93.80g | Prot: 143.62g | Carbs: 80.16g.   Breakfast: Premier Nutrition Clear Protein Drink, Land O'Lakes Mini Moos Half & Half Creamers, Coffee. Dinner: Jalapeno Peppers , Wright Brand Naturally Applewood Smoked Sliced Bacon, Cream Cheese , Great Value Pepper Jack Cheese, Nature's Place Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast, Baby Spinach, Kraft Finely Shredded Parmesan Cheese, Mushrooms, Butter (Salted), Cooked Salmon, Green Giant Steamers Broccoli, Cauliflower, Carrots & Cheese Sauce. Snacks/Other: Atkins Snack Triple Chocolate Bar, Jell-O Sugar Free Dulce De Leche. more...
2132 kcal Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...

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Comments 
Tasso - yeah. I think when people post their transformation photos they have the right to be proud of turning their lives around. But mine was so repeated .. and yes, I do have eating disorders that I have to battle almost daily .. and these photos reflect years of disordered eating. 
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
What a journey you’ve been on... weightloss wasn’t an easy road... but each time you come back stronger with new lessons learned. Btw Bella, you’re beautiful❣️😍😍😍 
03 Dec 19 by member: moopie321
Moopie - you are so kind, thank you. I NEVER think of myself as beautiful because I can't drown out the voice of my great grandmother who said, "You will never be a beautiful woman ..." to me when I was only a child.  
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
But, yes, this is my Groundhog's day. I just keep doing it over and over and over and with each time I've kept SOME of the lessons with me. I am praying this will be the final test.  
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
The many faces/phases of Bella. What a difference between last year and this year and I love the 2013. Very nice! Thanks for your braveness! Please stick with it this time! By the way- this is your picture limit for 2019. LOL! LOL! Just kidding! I love it! I am super nosey and all the months of wondering who was behind the snow white... My curiosity has been satisfied! You can do it!! 💗🤸🏼‍♀️ 
03 Dec 19 by member: davidsprincess
When women say ugly words, it is a reflection of the core of themselves. 
03 Dec 19 by member: moopie321
your weight did change, but you didn't age barely at all in 30 years! brilliant! 
03 Dec 19 by member: AdaOke
Not that I'm an expert . . . but it really seems you have to find a WOE that works for you. I grew up in a family that ate plain meats plus veggies, very little starches or sweets. I stayed thin until menopause, bad knees, major job change, and pre-diabetes hit all together. I tried over and over, but wasn't successful until my A1c hit abnormal and I finally committed to the ketogenic WOE. 
03 Dec 19 by member: gz9gjg
It is inspiring! Never giving up and keeping up the fight. It's very encouraging. You can conquer your eating disorder. And you're absolutely right, it is an eating disorder, one that many of us have. I have to deal with it every single day. We are not alone and we can do this, you can do this! 
03 Dec 19 by member: lettygaylor
Yet another woman, this time at the other side of the globe, that has lost half of her weight, got it back and so on. I have met such cases in my country at an eating disorders forum. If i ever regain my weight i am sure i will not lose it again. I know what and how to eat. How to lose fast. How to lose healthy. With or without carbs. I know what works for me. I also know how to train myself. And i know that mentally i am not that strong. I am sure i can not do it again. You women are incredible. 
03 Dec 19 by member: Tassos67
Thank you Princess. Yeah, I wrote a journal about Snow White & her Seven Dwarfs (relating to my eating disorders) a while back. I'll find the link if you're interested. If I find the '06 photo, I'm posting it.. you'll just have to scroll on past.. hahahah. Kidding!!!! Nah, you know it took YEARS for me to reveal my real photo. And this.. I'm still on the edge about it. So 'poof' .. it could be gone in a nervous blink. 
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
You are beautiful in each picture and I'm proud of you for how far you have come. 🙌 Awesome 
03 Dec 19 by member: poohle
I’m not sure what motivates you more. I used to have a fat photo on my phone to remind myself to not overeat. It was from a hike where I couldn’t get to the top because I was so out of shape and overweight that walking was hard for me.  
03 Dec 19 by member: moopie321
You know.. what's odd is I was 36lbs lighter in that '13 photo than I am now.. but my face looks slimmer in the '19 photo. I guess it's just time & angles.  
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
And I should have posted the whole '18 photo.. I was at the live 'Chicago' Broadway play & that 'arm' is one of the dancer's who posed with me.. he is soooo dang hot.  
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
Pooh - thank you. Thank you for your kind comment. 
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
Ada - omg.. I wish. Very kind of you to say but ... whew... I have so aged. 
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
GZ - I have found many Woe's that worked for me at the time that I was losing. Each for different reasons. If it were only that simple, I'd not have regained. I haven't changed my diet on the FS but I'm not following keto because I got discouraged when I couldn't get my blood work to reflect being in ketosis. So I try to stay low - moderate carbs and try to stay away from processed foods.  
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
Letty - whenever someone else shares their disorder here my heart goes out to them. It's not just dealing with cruise weight or 'the freshman 15' - it's a battle of food linked to emotions and punishing myself with food in so many ways. Either withholding or over eating. It's how I abuse myself. For years. 
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella
Tasso - I have reflected several times that if I lose my dedication/attention this time, it will be over for me. I don't think I can do this again in my 60's. 
03 Dec 19 by member: FullaBella

     
 

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