FullaBella's Journal, 24 May 13

Friday and still cloudy but at least I figured out the mystery behind what really made me feel like recycled crappola yesterday: I'd taken the PM pills ( instead of AM ). I take morning and evening doses of vitamins; the PM dosage includes my blood pressure pill and a xanax. Yikes. It's a relief to know it was 'that' and not a true physical reaction to cloudy days; I was seriously concerned something was really wrong because no way I could get through many days in a row feeling so weak and wobbly on my feet as I did yesterday.

Treadmill and gazelle this morning for the first time in longer than I care to confess. I've been so busy playing in the yard in the mornings this fell by the side of the road but as I THOUGHT the guys were coming BACK today to stain (suppose to come tomorrow NOW) I really couldn't do much out there. Not bad. I finally remembered my favorite part of that ~ the headphones and drowning out the TV in the other room. I find it really cool that 4mph is just a very comfortable pace for me now and that I managed to run 5mph for a bit.

Then I went out to test the new 'grill'. My husband has been after me for a couple of years to get one; it's like living with Hank Hill only *I* would have to be the one to do it ~ unlike the old days when he was the grill master and I just did the 'other stuff' in the kitchen. I've dragged my feet on that acquisition because I know *I* will have to be up and down the stairs to the outside tending to the grill while trying to make sure the rest of the stuff inside gets done too. So I picked up a table top Weber the other night because I know anything 'larger' would be a waste of space or far too encouraging too load up the grill with a lot of food at one time.

It's pretty good. Now I just have to convince FS that 'grilling' is actually an activity to add to the exercise choices. Note to self: must remember to turn the dial the right way when turning it OFF. Turning it to low and the wind blowing the flame out doesn't count; it just wastes propane and is likely hazardous.

Art Party again last night so for a limited time my creation is available for viewing via my image. I'm not sure if it was just a 'butt kissing' or a valid critique (tortured insecure artist that I am) but the instructor said 'if this is really only your second painting, you have true talent.' He was impressed at how I added texture to simulate 'aging' on the leather boots and depth to the grass by playing with the brush. In my mind I was just screwing around by what felt good trying to add more dimension but his phrasing sounds so much cooler.

I am considering trying some Whey Protein - your opinions and experiences would be appreciated. I want to increase my protein and decrease my fat intake but have been miserable trying to do this for two days because it takes a huge quantity of food - or am I just missing something?

Sure, fish & chicken are high in protein and low in fat but they are also low in calories. Three chicken/fish with vegetables a day plus non-fat yogurt and fruit and I'm barely breaking 1000 calories. GREAT for satisfying hunger while cutting calories but that is not my goal. I am trying to maintain a balanced 2000 calories but doubling that is too much food and left me feeling too full. Adding in peanut butter or hummus helps increase calories but also increases the fat.

So, now that I read completely insane - straighten me out and tell me what I'm missing.

Summary points of the art party last night (beyond my immodest sharing above):

-I still enjoyed it; I am starting to feel more comfortable with the brush and paint and just let my mind go worrying less about getting it 'spot on' and just 'doing' what I want. I've decided the example at the front of the room is like a posted speed limit sign: just a suggestion.

-I think trying to do a whole painting in only a couple of hours is pushing it if they are going to have that much detail; I recognize my frustration starts to build when trying to add paint on top of wet paint and it all becomes a wet sticky mess

-More 'small townitis' in that I can't sling a dead cat in this town without hitting someone I know ~ the intructor's wife was my husband's nurse for two years; the organizer actually tried to rent MY building when they were putting this together (( and makes it a point to remind me TWICE now)) but it was leased at the time.

-I find it ironic that things I write 'here' are said outloud 'there' - am I just that common or am I being stalked? Last week was the WPP comment; last night one of the other people in the room started talking about 'Queen of the Unfinished Projects' ~ caught my ear as I said that about myself just two days ago.

-I know art is supposed to flow with no limits but would appreciate it if the class could begin and end 'on time' because some of us have limited free time like that. In fact, this became a bone of contention last night because I had to leave 'last time' when it ran an HOUR over and apparently there was a discussion because last night the organizer said to the instructor 'this is the woman who has to leave on time...' Really?? I'm a discussion point already??

-Then last night when it still ran over she apologized and in a funny voice asked 'are you going to get in trouble?' like .. what... a child?? In retrospect, later, I realized I SHOULD HAVE SAID 'Yes, the condition of my parole mandates that I'm back at the halfway house by 9pm!' but stupidly the first thing that came to my mind was the truth and I explained 'No, it's just that my husband is very ill and I have to have a sitter when I'm out like this and have to plan accordingly.' Later I wish I'd lied because:

-The organizer has this plan to take a 'group' photo at the end of the evening but I had to leave again (like last week). She tried to motivate everyone to stand up over in a group quickly saying 'this lady has to leave, her husband is home alone' (something I'd rather she HADN'T done) and some other woman painting SMARTED off in a really NASTY tone saying 'Oh, am *I* supposed to feel guilty for leaving MY husband home alone?' I just smiled and said 'y'all have fun, maybe next time, bye now!' BUT as I was going down the stairs I heard her explain 'sick husband' and then the 'Oh my, I feel bad now..' and GREAT... now I'm the pathetic woman with the sick husband. When WILL I learn?

That's it ~ thank you for reading,
Bella

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1689 kcal

Fat: 89.71g | Prot: 143.02g | Carbs: 84.63g.   Breakfast: Bananas, Peanut Butter, Onions, Portabella Mushrooms, Green Peppers, Baby Spinach, Bacon, Gouda Cheese, Egg, Pineapple, Ground Beef (Cooked), Schwan's Alaskan Salmon, Schwan's Mahi Mahi, Schwan's Mediterranean Vegetable Blend. more...

1903 kcal

Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...