DAZEY_iz_Well's Journal, 17 May 23

Oh man, brutal! being bullied in school sucks but is common, and it makes leaving school so much more enjoyable. My bullying stopped when I went to the office and dobbed the bullies in to the Headmistress. Which I figured out to do when I was about 14. Up until then, working out what bullies want and working out how to make them fail to get it is about the only thing that works that I know of. Self control is incredibly hard on the spectrum and I didn't really master it till I was over forty. Heh. For the coffee, can you mix half and half coffee and decaf together, and do that for a few days? going cold turkey on coffee is awful, and the headaches are mega. There must be a sliding scale you can go on... 

I had to give up caffeine years ago. I feel better without it.  

I am so sorry you are going through this stressful situation. I know it is easy for me to say this, and so I apologize: I hope before you allow your thoughts to take over, that you remember you are more help to others when you are looking at things from a distance and not in the trenches, if you will. Once emotions are running high, it is harder to stay objective. Again, I totally know it is easier said than done. Sending you hugs and tranquility.  

Dazey sending you prayers and the very best wishes for both your journey and your precious child’s. There’s nothing in the world like knowing your child is in pain. We’ve probably all been there in some way, shape or form. It’s truly awful. I’ve been off caffeine for about 8 months now. Myself i did it cold turkey and i dont miss it at all. I just drink decaf and i was a serious coffee drinker. It’s what kept me going for 12-14-16+ hours days at work for 30 years. Was an adjustment but feel better for not. Also would make my heart race so all in all better not to have caffeine. Please remember to take care of yourself. You are the captain of your ship you must stay as well as possible for all those depending on you. God bless you my friend. 

I also have ADHD and my granddaughter is in the spectrum for autism so I understand. I'm grateful my granddaughter is very high functioning but she has a lot of trouble in social situations. I'm sorry you are going through all this. It's a lot and I truly support you and keep us posted in how things are going. 💜🙏 

I have a son with autism, and he was born absolutely healthy. We got him the mmr vaccine at 1yr 2months and our whole world changed. He broke out in a full body rash, had high fevers for a week then ended up hitting his head against the wall or his own fist after he lost all words he had previously mastered. His language went away, he was depressed and always yelling or stone silent. Eventually I had to look at family videos to see the exact day of the decline and that’s when I knew it was the vaccine . He ended up with an autism diagnosis shortly after, we took him to an autism specialist who tested for heavy metals he was off the chart with aluminum.. we did allergy blood test and pee samples everything we could find to figure out the medical situation autism was for him. Autism is treatable and I’ve met moms who were successful and able to help cure there children with the right diet, detox and therapies. What’s going on inside the body is so important, I refuse to medicate my son and cover up symptoms instead I want to eradicate root cause for the problems… prayers being sent your way 

LeannFreedom- amazing detective work! Im really sorry about the vaccine and your child.. ive heard of them causing issues similarly with children....I remember a family member trying to interact with my son as a newborn and saying "somethings a lil ....off with him." It was rare he smiled/giggled like most nevborns. Pretty sure he was born with it but didnt know it was autism until this school year, otherwise he had sensory meltdowns for as long as i can remember and always thought they were tantrums. Its amazing to know that it can be reversed if the conditions are right, yet i dont think it will be the case with my oldest.  

Diana 1234- yay! Team ADHD! Oliver struggles with social things too. He has friends but will fight with them, so iv learned when he can play with them and when isnt such a good time to socialize if hes more triggered, he may not like it when i say no but boundaries are a hard one with him.  

Yearofhealth2023- thank you YOH! Such a sweet response!! Caffeine i know its better to quit yet i know ill miss the making coffee ritual-( i use a french press) Ive been tapering down how much caffeine ive gotten in a day over this past week since i made my drs appt. Been a caffeine addict well over 10 years. Caffeine actually calms me down, which is why i feel like its been helpful. Yet its not the proper treatment for ADHD. The more ive been helping my oldest son, inadvertently hes been helping me too. Children, no matter where they came from, are gifts. His bio father had received a narcissistic sociopathic diagnosis as part of a court order during his 1st domestic charge with me. No clue what it meant at the time. yet, ollie is super sweet and cuddly even at 10 and nearly as tall as me. His emotions switch on a dime, and its been a rollercoaster ride to help him learn how to calm down. 

gwzfire- i hear yau, thank you! Very good reminder. In the past, its been easy to let the frustration take over. Especially if he asks for the same thing ...again..,and again (perseverating) he doesnt accept the first answer when he wants something and i say no.... Conscious Discipline helps with learning to calm down first before you can calm someone else down. My emotional dysregulation has improved over the course of 3 years in healing trauma. I still struggle at times, especially around trauma-versary dates, and i can pinpoint it out better. 

-Tish and Bubbles- oh half and half beans! I used to do that before..kinda forgot about it. Depends on the time line the doctor gives me, if she wants me to start the medicine right away. I had the thought of switching to decaf entirely also. Im unsure!  

Dazey, you are so strong. This statement doesn't feel true for everyone and I respect that; but in my worldview, you must be an extremely beautiful, resilient, and advanced soul to be on such an ambitious path for your life's journey. You have so much to teach us about being grateful for our blessings and about managing challenge with grace. I am so appreciative of this in you. Some people complain about the weather... while others (you) are able to find a peaceful place within that lightens what would easily be considered the toughest of life situations. You have much to give us. Thank you. 

Just to clarify, I'm not judging. I complain about the weather... just admiring the tenacity of those under pressure. 

gwzfire- thank you!! I appreciate this tremendously! Life has been a struggle, in many ways its better. My older son struggles in totally different ways then i did at his age. And that's ok!! He thinks me saying no to a sleepover means he has a tough life, but when I was his age I was terrified of going downstairs and seeing the disaster left behind from my alcoholic parents and being the one to clean it.. So i think he's ok!! Its all perspective, right?  

Holy crap, I've literally been where this kid is. I have ADHD and ASD as well (though I'm high-functioning) and lemme tell ya, walking away does NOT work all the time. Bullies WILL persist until they get a reaction. And you're completely right, it's absolutely unfair that bullies don't get punished until a kid actually commits self in ground, when it's clearly too late to save the victim. Rn he needs an adult he can trust to take care of shit for him. I'm no lawyer but fr, it may be worth looking into threatening a lawsuit because those kids are literally endangering your kid and the school is doing NOTHING about it. As for caffeine... cold turkey is the worst way to do it, trust me. The headaches are unbearable, you end up feeling nauseous, and in some cases of caffeine deprivation I've actually thrown up. Drink a cup of chai to help you wean off, it has less caffeine in it than a cup of coffee and the ginger should help stave off the inevitable nausea. Once you have that one delicious cup of chai, the next day go 100% without caffeine and you should be good from there on... apart from missing how good chai tastes. lol 

Hi Dazey, sending you love, hugs and lifted prayer🙏🏽. 

@cyrus I was taught to turn the other cheek. I remember as a heavily autistic child (highly masking, highly intelligent) wondering why i was hamstrung/fistbound by my rearing when the people who hit me clearly were not. I determined at the age of 8 that this was an imbalance... but I was still hidebound and never hit back. "ignore it" my mother said. Taking that into an austic brain, I pushed on with it long past a point where any normal kid would've said 'sod this' and hit back. Raising my autistic/adhd daughter was different. I said don't hit first, but if they hit you first? smack them so hard they never do it again. we got a few calls from the school but you know what? It's really hard to defend some boy who has hit a girl and been punched in the snout back after having been punched first. LOL. He really don't want to make a big deal out of it. Do he. Equality is what works. Equal force. Never hit first, but hit the shinola out of them second.  

Yeah nah we're not looking to get innocent kids suspended here. The school just needs a fire lit under its butt. I do believe in "equal rights, equal fights" (you hit me, you best be ready for me to hit you like a freight train), but at the same time... as hilarious as it would be to see that one Randy scene go down, y'all know cops would be called and the victim painted as the villain. 

Cyrus- yes,the teacher knows but does nothing... Theres on effect called the bully, bullied and bystander. They pesters him cuz he gives a reaction... Telling a kid who is being bullied to ignore it is causing a cycle of abuse to continue "do nothing- let that kid abuse you and just deal with it" sorry. But absolutely not!! 1 week of school left. Its tough because my son internalizes everything until hes so bothered its like a balloon swelled up and when it pops and when i hear all these things and its like "all of this info woulda been helpful to know along the way as it was happening" thanks for giving the advice about caffeine. I might make a low caff tea cuz im terrified of withdrawal honestly. I gotta be well for the kids. 

Good morning! Hope everything gets better, and best of luck to you! Have a wonderful weekend.