DAZEY_iz_Well's Journal, 08 Jul 23

I love peanut butter and chocolate.  

That looks tasty  

I eat one of those for a pre-workout snack! Looks yummy!! 

Dazey ready for this—i cant buy rice cakes because last 2 times i tried i ate the entire bag. Both times. Can you believe that? I like the crunch. So annoying. Wish they sold them in two packs. 

Yoh- 🤣 I combined two things that you would devoured in one sitting. I'm terribly sorry! By themselves they remind me of styrofoam. Like this it was delectable yet healthier treat.  

It looks delicious. I have self control issues with food its why there is nothing in our house that i would want to binge on. Every time i find something new and healthy (in moderation) and delicious…nope cant have in the house. Probably has to do with being homeless as a teenager and not knowing when i would get to eat again. Would miss one or two days and then eat anything offered to me back then. Even though that was over 40 years ago. 

@Yearofhealth…that took guts to share you were homeless. It could happen to ANYONE. Most Americans are one paycheck away from it. I’m sure the binging has something to do with your past experience. That is a scary thought, to starve to death. Bless you, you’re so fit and healthy and by the looks of things, a successful person financially. Something to be proud of!! 

Wow! Yoh!! That must have been terrifying... Yes, sounds like the trauma of that is directly linked to the binges. Growing up, my dad didn't work, our landlord kept threatening to evict us but was too lazy to want to go thru the process. we lived on hardly any money for many years. Hardly any food, I binged at school to survive being home. Coming from 2 different places, yet the lack of food security affected us similarly.  

Yum! Even in these times there are people that don't believe that anyone goes hungry. They have their heads buried in the sand!!!  

Dazey i was 15 when i left home and i left due to abuse. I ran away when i was 12 came back and things didnt get better. I understand my food addiction its pretty common in survivors of the type of abuse i experienced but i only recently realized the binging is most likely from not knowing when i would get to eat again. Way too much tmi but im sure there are others on this journey who were affected by this very thing and may not know it’s why they eat too much. That layer of fat can feel like a way of warding off unwanted advances. Im sorry you went thru that. Sadly that should never happen to anyone let alone a child but it occurs often. Im so glad you changed your moniker to WELL. 

Storms i thank God above for watching over me. I felt so abandoned when i was young and yes i was check to check for most of my 20’s. I dont know where the drive came in me to succeed but i was a self-starter as an 8 year old child. Would go door to door looking for chores for $$$ and would save every $. I knew by time i was 12 i was going to college tho my mom had only a 9th grade education and dad 8th grade. I was the first person in my family to go to college and went thru high school with very few people knowing i was homeless. Those things can build character or destroy you. Ive done both. Now, with 60 looming at end of summer, i can look back and see God protected me when i thought i was abandoned. Im very fortunate to be loved, i had a very successful career financially tho it devastated my health and i am now on a really solid path to recovery of. I am grateful, i am happy and i am at peace. Took a long time to get here. The last demon really is controlling food in my life and my brain. You folks help me on here daily and i hope im able to help someone in return.  

Yoh- very true!! Thanks for sharing! You were brave to leave at such a young age.. I wanted to, but the co-dependancy was strong. Then, I met my older sons dad, and was kicked out. (My dad thought I abandoned him when I just packed enough clothes for one night and didn't wanna drive after drinking. We lived 45 mins outside of town. ) When I was in the hospital after being attacked the 2nd time, my dad realized what he had done; instead of trying to help me, he turned even heavier to alcohol and started hurting my brother and chased him away... Yes- with unwanted advances... Being in a healthy place (environment and relationship)made me realize that I wanted to change. Here we are- survivors!! The past used to be a shield 🛡️ but now it's a story. I almost envy the one who haven't had to live this way, "what an advantage they have in life." Not having to do the extra interior work just to get to a healthy baseline. Some understand and listen. I used to work with this girl who didn't believe such horrors existed because of her middle class healthy upbringing-the other side of the coin. 

I wish i didnt understand so completely but i do. I was so drawn to my hubs initially because it seemed like he had such a close family bond and i yearned for that. To this day i have never known what the love of a mother or father feels like and i so wish i did. The other side of that coin is that i was so paranoid something bad would happen to my child that i was wayyyy too overprotective and restrictive and displayed an excessive amount of love to her. She was my world and i was so scared of seeing her harmed. And that is not a fun story. Have a lovely day Dazey Well.