peeperjj's Journal, 29 Mar 19

Was considering a OMAD diet today but if I take my meds without eating I feel sick all day so... water, coffee and a protein bar it is! Hoping to take a nap and sleep through lunch. Haven’t slept worth a crap lately. Dreams of depression, suicide, humiliation etc... no clue where it’s all coming from either. I woke up scared because in the dream I actually put the clip in... something that, no matter how bad it gets in real life, I’d never do! Every time I’ve ever even thought that I didn’t want to be on earth anymore I see my kids faces then hubbys then my parents as if they were alive. No matter how much I want to see them again I just couldn’t do that to my children! That dream threw me off and actually pisses me off. If I could bitch slap my subconscious I would! So I’m gonna have my treat ( yummy protein bar is almost as good as a snickers!) and plan a big feast this weekend. Perhaps pizza or steak with apple pie for dessert (if the hubs and kids don’t devote the last 6 slices before then lol). If anyone sees my subconscious please tell it to F off or snack it around some. That clip is probably going on the safe just so that next time I dream like that perhaps I’ll go for it and I can’t open that safe! It hates me lol. Correct combo and even a key and I can’t open the think. Kids and hubby come over and it opens right up! Kids don’t have combo and don’t know where the key is but I’ve had them try the key for me. Why couldn’t I dream of hot actors like others have been doing lately? Or unicorns. Or winning the lottery. Anything fun lol.