peeperjj's Journal, 12 Apr 19

Try not to worry - as hard as that may seem. It does you no good. It actually does the opposite of good. If you believe in God, give it to him to worry about. Easier said than done, but worth a try. 

That’s the only reason I’m not constantly worrying. He saved me once so He can again. But I’m human and have doubts sometimes. Today when we left was one of those times but as soon as we got on the road I felt less worry/stress. It’ll be easier to relax once I start measuring and see that it’s not growing. She said to check it every few weeks or monthly. I plan to outline it, measure it and take a pic weekly. Then I’ll have a time line so if it does grow then I can guess as to how fast and how soon I need to get back in for an US. Thanks LZ! It helps getting this out and having your support(and the support of many others). It also helps to be reminded that stress causes illness therefore I need to stay calm and have faith :).  

Praying for peace and no growth, even the faith of a mustard seed that it will disappear!! Amen!! Sending a big Canadian hug and care!! ❤️❤️ 

Thank you. I ended up reading and that took my mind off of it. Then I was so darn tired from not sleeping well this last week that I crashed at 11 which is early for me.  

You are in my prayers. 

Peeper— the doctor you are referring to is your cancer doc, surgeon or primary? You might tell them that you are really concerned and ask if you are a candidate for a breast MRI for this issue. 

Oh that is just horrible to have to “wait and see” I’m sorry you have to face that again 🙏🏻 

Definitely do an MRI. I’m sending you all the love. It’s going to be a good fight if you have to, because I know how strong you are. Please keep us posted. Pulling for you 

Sometimes ultrasound IS the best modality for some of these things, but asking for additional input from the doc never hurts and his answer may help ease your anxiety. Hang in there. 

Also, DONT EAT YOUR ANXIETY! 

Oh, Peeper! I have a hard time with such advice. We pray and then, as Jesus said, "Father, not My will but Thine be done." Praying for your peace in mind, body, and soul! 

I’m a worrier. Oddly enough I haven’t worried this weekend so that’s good. As for the dr... this one was the ultrasound lady. Not the one who did it but the one who read it and did it the second time. My oncologist says blood work is all that’s needed. My surgeon says a scan yearly would be best if it helps ease my worries but won’t go against the oncologist. Even My Obgyn, when I went to him, and my family dr both said they thought scans were a good idea but won’t go against the oncologist. I see the oncologist again in September. If this turns out to be nothing then I plan to take in my depression and anxiety meds and lay it out for her. She either agrees to scans or I’ll figure out a way to fake something. I need a lump or rash and with my allergies I’m sure I can bring on a rash lol. I’m working toward figuring out my eye problem because I know headaches and sudden vision changes are signs to get me a scan but the oncologist will want eye drs to say something is off/wrong. They didn’t seem concerned last fall. 🤷‍♀️ Trying to get my ducks in a row and also have faith that things will work out. Just wish it would workout my way lol.  

Ok, now for the eye. Your primary is aware of vision changes and headaches but is not concerned. With whatever your insurance is, do you need a referral for an eye exam with an ophthalmologist, not an optometrist? . The eye doctor can tell a lot from the types of exams they do. If He sees anything aberrant he would recommend further testing. The oncologist probably knows little about the eye unless that is his oncological specialty. Definitely the eye doctor is the first step for you. 

My primary changed clinics eight after my vision started changing. We’ve since changed to another but she’s going and didn’t seem concerned. I’ve been to an eye dr twice but I still can’t see even though I’m on my second lenses. Kaleidoscopic vision without the glasses that we determined was an astigmatism one both eyes. He’s just sure that I need glasses since my middle vision was off. Said I’m far sighted. However I could read fine for up to an hour or two then headaches got worse. I read that the astigmatisms cause that. With the +1.00 and now the +0.75 the ground seems as if it’s either dropping off or coming up to meet me too quickly when looking toward the ground. All distances are now blurry except reading. Hubby set me up with another eye dr. Not sure what kind. Oncologist just doesn’t seem to worry much unless you have active cancer or in active treatments. Thanks for the information! I’ll be sure to look this dr up and see what exactly he is and does. Oh and my old primary gave me an eye exam before all this and said my vision was prefect. 15 years ago it was 20/10. That’s why I got worried. 15 years to go from 20/10 to 20/20 then a couple months to have issues and now be told it’s 20/40 in one eye and 20/60 in the other.  

Your primary and/ or your oncologist probably just had you read the eye chart. You need the OPTHAMOLOGIST who can look into the eye with major magnifiers and look at the condition of the vessels and nerves. This is a standard exam. Most of the people In the world are farsighted yet these standard eye charts like at the DMV or primary/pediatrician’s office Are made for nearsighted people. These charts can pick up very farsighted people but typically miss the people who have mild to moderate farsightedness. Normal vision is 20/20 that means you can read specific letters from 20 feet away. 20/40 vision means that you see at 20 feet what most people can see clearly at 40 feet and so on up the scale. 20/15 or 20/10 is darn good and very few people have that eyesight and especially not as we age. If all you can see is the big E you have 20/200 vision and I think that is considered legally blind. Then there are people like me who are farsighted in one eye and nearsighted in the other with astigmatisms. My glasses are good . Interesting enough, most children with ADD HA are farsighted. Their constantly looking around the room, not paying attention, etc, is their only way of subconsciously trying to relieve the eye strain and blurred vision. As a matter of fact I wonder if Kay Buckeroo has had little Mathew’s eyes tested. Just make sure you have had a proper eye exam. I’m not sure why the practitioners you have seen can’t figure this out. But you cannot expect to get a full on eye checkup from primary or oncologist. Not their specialty and they don’t have the equipment to do it.