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Friday and still cloudy but at least I figured out the mystery behind what really made me feel like recycled crappola yesterday: I'd taken the PM pills ( instead of AM ). I take morning and evening doses of vitamins; the PM dosage includes my blood pressure pill and a xanax. Yikes. It's a relief to know it was 'that' and not a true physical reaction to cloudy days; I was seriously concerned something was really wrong because no way I could get through many days in a row feeling so weak and wobbly on my feet as I did yesterday.
Treadmill and gazelle this morning for the first time in longer than I care to confess. I've been so busy playing in the yard in the mornings this fell by the side of the road but as I THOUGHT the guys were coming BACK today to stain (suppose to come tomorrow NOW) I really couldn't do much out there. Not bad. I finally remembered my favorite part of that ~ the headphones and drowning out the TV in the other room. I find it really cool that 4mph is just a very comfortable pace for me now and that I managed to run 5mph for a bit.
Then I went out to test the new 'grill'. My husband has been after me for a couple of years to get one; it's like living with Hank Hill only *I* would have to be the one to do it ~ unlike the old days when he was the grill master and I just did the 'other stuff' in the kitchen. I've dragged my feet on that acquisition because I know *I* will have to be up and down the stairs to the outside tending to the grill while trying to make sure the rest of the stuff inside gets done too. So I picked up a table top Weber the other night because I know anything 'larger' would be a waste of space or far too encouraging too load up the grill with a lot of food at one time.
It's pretty good. Now I just have to convince FS that 'grilling' is actually an activity to add to the exercise choices. Note to self: must remember to turn the dial the right way when turning it OFF. Turning it to low and the wind blowing the flame out doesn't count; it just wastes propane and is likely hazardous.
Art Party again last night so for a limited time my creation is available for viewing via my image. I'm not sure if it was just a 'butt kissing' or a valid critique (tortured insecure artist that I am) but the instructor said 'if this is really only your second painting, you have true talent.' He was impressed at how I added texture to simulate 'aging' on the leather boots and depth to the grass by playing with the brush. In my mind I was just screwing around by what felt good trying to add more dimension but his phrasing sounds so much cooler.
I am considering trying some Whey Protein - your opinions and experiences would be appreciated. I want to increase my protein and decrease my fat intake but have been miserable trying to do this for two days because it takes a huge quantity of food - or am I just missing something?
Sure, fish & chicken are high in protein and low in fat but they are also low in calories. Three chicken/fish with vegetables a day plus non-fat yogurt and fruit and I'm barely breaking 1000 calories. GREAT for satisfying hunger while cutting calories but that is not my goal. I am trying to maintain a balanced 2000 calories but doubling that is too much food and left me feeling too full. Adding in peanut butter or hummus helps increase calories but also increases the fat.
So, now that I read completely insane - straighten me out and tell me what I'm missing.
Summary points of the art party last night (beyond my immodest sharing above):
-I still enjoyed it; I am starting to feel more comfortable with the brush and paint and just let my mind go worrying less about getting it 'spot on' and just 'doing' what I want. I've decided the example at the front of the room is like a posted speed limit sign: just a suggestion.
-I think trying to do a whole painting in only a couple of hours is pushing it if they are going to have that much detail; I recognize my frustration starts to build when trying to add paint on top of wet paint and it all becomes a wet sticky mess
-More 'small townitis' in that I can't sling a dead cat in this town without hitting someone I know ~ the intructor's wife was my husband's nurse for two years; the organizer actually tried to rent MY building when they were putting this together (( and makes it a point to remind me TWICE now)) but it was leased at the time.
-I find it ironic that things I write 'here' are said outloud 'there' - am I just that common or am I being stalked? Last week was the WPP comment; last night one of the other people in the room started talking about 'Queen of the Unfinished Projects' ~ caught my ear as I said that about myself just two days ago.
-I know art is supposed to flow with no limits but would appreciate it if the class could begin and end 'on time' because some of us have limited free time like that. In fact, this became a bone of contention last night because I had to leave 'last time' when it ran an HOUR over and apparently there was a discussion because last night the organizer said to the instructor 'this is the woman who has to leave on time...' Really?? I'm a discussion point already??
-Then last night when it still ran over she apologized and in a funny voice asked 'are you going to get in trouble?' like .. what... a child?? In retrospect, later, I realized I SHOULD HAVE SAID 'Yes, the condition of my parole mandates that I'm back at the halfway house by 9pm!' but stupidly the first thing that came to my mind was the truth and I explained 'No, it's just that my husband is very ill and I have to have a sitter when I'm out like this and have to plan accordingly.' Later I wish I'd lied because:
-The organizer has this plan to take a 'group' photo at the end of the evening but I had to leave again (like last week). She tried to motivate everyone to stand up over in a group quickly saying 'this lady has to leave, her husband is home alone' (something I'd rather she HADN'T done) and some other woman painting SMARTED off in a really NASTY tone saying 'Oh, am *I* supposed to feel guilty for leaving MY husband home alone?' I just smiled and said 'y'all have fun, maybe next time, bye now!' BUT as I was going down the stairs I heard her explain 'sick husband' and then the 'Oh my, I feel bad now..' and GREAT... now I'm the pathetic woman with the sick husband. When WILL I learn?
That's it ~ thank you for reading,
Bella
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1689 kcal
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Fat: 89.71g | Prot: 143.02g | Carbs: 84.63g.
Breakfast: Bananas, Peanut Butter, Onions, Portabella Mushrooms, Green Peppers, Baby Spinach, Bacon, Gouda Cheese, Egg, Pineapple, Ground Beef (Cooked), Schwan's Alaskan Salmon, Schwan's Mahi Mahi, Schwan's Mediterranean Vegetable Blend. more...
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1 to 20 of 25
 Comments
I love your painting! You do have talent, Bella. Don't doubt that! I'm glad the rude lady at your painting class got her comeuppance. People can be so insensitive! It doesn't matter that you didn't qualify your excuse to leave with the word "sick", it's really none of her business and she has no right to judge, regardless. Good job getting on the treadmill. I've got to get my exercise groove back. It's been way too long coming.
24 May 13 by member: evelyn64
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Love the painting..Which medium do you use??..I use oil mostly because its the first I tried..but they all have there benefits...Don't you dare feel bad about having to leave...but the instructor should not have mentioned the reason.. that was your place to tell all if you wanted them to know...Great job on the treadmill...and cooking on the grill...I love stuff cooked on the grill..have you ever tried corn on the cob??..DH wraps it in foil with a little butter...yummy...any veggy is good that way too...So glad your feeling better today..Hugs...:O)
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I think some people try too hard to be funny sometimes, and it comes across as crass. Just reading about your experience makes me want to throw paint water on that woman. I'm sure she'll try to apologize to you next time. By the way, on a positive note, your painting looks great!!! True talent, indeed. It's funny that you say someone is stalking you. I know of a few coworkers on this website, but I try to stay anonymous. You know, Tyrell is not my real last name. :) I tend to avoid giving tell-tale signs of where I work or live just for that purpose. Personally, I wouldn't be so open about my weight, eating habits, or personal journals if I didn't have an "invisibility cloak" on... but two occurences where someone has said something that you journaled?... creepy.
24 May 13 by member: KatieTyrell
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If that came across wrong... I meant that "Personally, I wouldn't be so open... if I didn't have MY cloak on." I just realized that someone could have read it in a way that I had meant it for you. That wasn't the case!
24 May 13 by member: KatieTyrell
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Great painting, sure looks like you have talent to me but what would I know, right? Protein powder - I buy the BodyFortress stuff from Walmart, its cheap and probably full of chemicals but its cheap ... and it has sucralose so no sugar. I use it most days for breakfast. You can mix it with water, it does mix fairly easily. I mix with almond milk because I want more fat. You can't or shouldn't do low carb and low fat, here endeth my second Atkins lesson :). Sorry you had some issues with the art class, it does spoil your enjoyment I am sure.
24 May 13 by member: sarahsmum
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@Evelyn - thank you for the kind compliment. Yeah, I just want to go SOMEwhere without the first question becoming 'Howsie Doing?' but didn't think ahead enough to have a good 'lie' for needing to leave on time. It felt funny being on the treadmill - it's really boring so I mixed it up with the gazelle and a little dancing. I like to think I'm getting a lot of activity in the yard with the weeding and lifting, etc., but something structured like that is a decent market.
24 May 13 by member: FullaBella
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@Brenda - thank you too! This is acrylic; I've heard oil is better but I'm just a beginner, remember :-) I need something that washes out easy. I don't feel bad about leaving just wish I'd been better prepared for the 'why'. I like the grill, I'd been using the george foreman for a while (kind of like you got) but this definitely does give a better flavor. When we had 'big grills' in the past I'd cook entire meals on them - esp breakfast - I could put biscuits in a skillet on the top shelf and finish off bacon & eggs on the bottom shelf with homemade gravy on the side. It was GREAT because we'd eat the entire meal outside too. NOW ~ it's hard to get him outside. But if this continues (because he just LOVED the burger he had for lunch) I may get the big grill at the end of the summer and do whole meals outside when it's cool enough for him to join me
24 May 13 by member: FullaBella
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@Katie - nodding - that's why I didn't give her a 'turn to stone' stare; I gave her the benefit of the doubt she was just being flip. Thank you for the compliment. You know, I don't know WHY I hide behind a cloak here (and yes, I understood that you meant you) other than the whole 'it's nice to just come here, say what I need and want to say especially when I'm venting. It's ironic - as much as I babble on and on and on about myself in my journal I rarely ever talk much in real life. I can have hour long conversations with people using paralanguage only yet they think I'm a 'great conversationalist' and in all reality I'm just a great listener. Here I feel free to say what I want to say and my friends have the choice of staying to read and comment or not. It's very reassuring though when you all do stay, read, comment and support. This is a great community and place to be.
24 May 13 by member: FullaBella
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@Isabel - thank you; hey, when the instructor asked me last night 'what do you think?' I said the same thing... 'What do I know?... what do YOU think..' and he laughed. I think that's the holdback on the protein powder for me - the chemicals and wondering if it's really going to help or hurt. I'm not trying to do 'low fat', I'm just trying to get my fat around 35%; it's been almost 50% for a long time and I feel a slight decrease is due.
24 May 13 by member: FullaBella
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Ha Bella, its funny, I'm trying to up my fat, to get it to be about 50%. Its funny the different paths we take to health or to lose weight. There are lots of protein whey protein powders out there, healthy ones without chemicals. Just gotta do the google thing :)
24 May 13 by member: sarahsmum
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I have not even finished reading this journal yet but wanted to tell you that when I saw you changed your avatar I looked at it and saw how beautiful it was and thought you couldn't be that far advanced yet....WOW woman - I ain't kidding - GREAT JOB...okay now for the rest of the journal after the part that you said it IS your work. I'm SO PROUD!
24 May 13 by member: Neptunebch
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And yes Bella all kidding aside, the picture really is exception for someone who hasn't painted before. It is easily sellable if that is the right expression.
24 May 13 by member: sarahsmum
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The only whey protein I get these days is the brand CFM Whey Protein Isolate (recommended by my trainer because of the lack of artificial ingredients) when I lick the blender pitcher after I make DH's smoothies for his driving to work breakfast. I'm not sure why you want to reduce fats. I eat lots of good fats and after watching Keld's video I want to research reducing protein to lower my GF1 #. Don't know what I am talking about yet but that video was VERY interesting. I wish I could live on only 1000 calories. I have a hard time getting below 1600. Okay back to rest of journal. Sorry about this but my mind can only remember so much. :)
24 May 13 by member: Neptunebch
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I remember to keep my mouth shut until I forget - always at the wrong time. I'm glad you caused the b*t*h that made the comment to feel bad as she should. We all need to be reminded to not say absolutely EVERYTHING we are thinking. Sometimes for unknown reasons I will share something personal and as soon as I have done so wish I had not but I try not to beat myself up over it because if I feel bad for saying it they must not be a close friend - and since they aren't a close friend they don't care what I said anyway. Hope that made sense.
24 May 13 by member: Neptunebch
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Bella, what a gorgeous picture! You are truly very, very talented in many things... but artistically too! And to have "an original" now on display here at FS -- priceless! xoxox
24 May 13 by member: Ruhu
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@Isabel - well, kiddo, just read my food diary and you'll be at 50% in no time - I can't seem to come off that two days in a row. That's why I snort sometimes that I'm probably closer to atkins than I think :-)
24 May 13 by member: FullaBella
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@Neptune - Thank you! Love that you stopped and commented ~ you are so kind.
24 May 13 by member: FullaBella
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@ Isabel - and everyone, really - keep in mind there was already one LIKE that up at the front of the room and we were told 'put blue here, put green here, now draw this....' so it's not like that all poured out of my head... but thank you again.. I really should load last weeks hot mess so you can see how much I improved, LOL :-) And the bidding starts at ... 25 cents... do I hear 30?
24 May 13 by member: FullaBella
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@Neptune - haven't seen that video; I know there are good fats and I eat a lot of them and thank you for the brand recommendation. Not sure what a GF1 is either but you sure impressed me. See, that's the thing, I don't think I could live on 1000 a day - I know it's not healthy, but the 'amount' of food gets overwhelming if trying to balance it out. Maybe the 50% is fine and I just need to leave well enough alone? And.. well, *I* did not directly cause anyone to feel bad intentionally and as I am the Queen of the Uncensored thoughts I am sure I've thrown a few many hardballs out there myself. Yeah, it makes sense (what you said) - when I traveled for a living I used to hear the most PERSONAL things from complete strangers. I often felt like my emergency exit row seat 29A on American Airlines was a confessional. I think sometimes people just need to get things out of their head which is why I'm glad we have this site, journal, and I'm blessed with such great friends.
24 May 13 by member: FullaBella
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@Angel - thank you my friend. It's still new, feels like I'm unoriginal but enjoying the 'act' of it ~ like reading someone elses poetry and trying to give it MY voice and inflection. I think I'll get there - I have plans to just start painting something out of my own HEAD this weekend, no drawing, no picture to copy, nothing. Not sure where it will go but at least it will be a complete original.
24 May 13 by member: FullaBella
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