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Ok so Dubbo is down and gone. And Aaron told me my tummy was hanging out three times, and my resolve to starve didn't take off. I'm obviously too damn content with life... Maybe that'll change this week now that DBs nicked off to lightening ridge with AB n Fi for a week, things are tense with mum n I, or maybe that's just my feeling as I wait for her to ask how we paid for Dubbo and I have to fess up to being a thief. I absolutely loathe that about myself. I make out that I'm such a straight shooter but they back me into a corner and I feel like a caged animal so I feel like I have no other choice. It all sounds like excuses but Excuses but just get do sick of it all. I feel like I'm just getting fatter. And I am. I'm not where I want to be but I haven't been trying. I haven't been working for it do I have no one to blame. I just need to lose this last 6kg and if I try Incan do it. I'm going to do a concerted effort now. Restriction mode here I am. Coffee coke tea. Whatever. I'm just going to ask one sime question? Is it worth it? And the answer is simple - no. I can't change what I've done. I can't change the control they have around me or over me. I can't change that they control everything about my life except for who I love; but even in that I can't control much because I've fallen for someone who likes to be in control, and I'm okay with that, I like that, it makes me feel safe, but this, this alone is mine. This, weight, food, this is mine. And they can't take it away. They can "not like" a shit load of what I do, or choose or whatever, but this, they can't stop this.
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55.4 kg
Lost so far: 43.4 kg.
Still to go: 2.4 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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Gaining 0.1 kg a Week
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