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Can't actually remember what I was this morning. 51.7, 51.3... Either way I remember thinking "well it's pretty much 52 in round figures, to my endo" (who I'm waiting to see now) and I'm pissed cos I so wanted to be at most 50, and easily could've been 48 or less... And yes things have changed in that I don't want to be sick EDwise and I recognise that it looks scrawny and doesn't feel feminine and so on, and that matters more to me now... But I dunno I'm wrestling with things and I'm not really sure why. I was going back thru my thyroid notes last night and it showed I was 58 in dec 2011... So then I naturally was like "that means I've only lost 6kg in a year! That's pathetic!!!" And yes I get that it's not a gain and I get that why does it matter? But for some reason my weight may always matter to me? Until I can learn to love myself for me, as me, instead of as a number, instead of validating myself in a number, either the number on a scale or the number in a clothes size, I need to find that validation somewhere else... Not from someone else ie someone else's love (and I know this bc ppl can always leave or change their opinions) but within myself... I need to find things from within myself that I like about me, or I need to create them, build them, make them... Sigh. Serious thought for this time of day. Oi.
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51.7 kg
Lost so far: 47.1 kg.
Still to go: 0 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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Gaining 1.6 kg a Week
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