Analee's Journal, 28 Sep 14

So there's been a crapload of shit going on
Or maybe it's just that it's bloody summer, swimsuits, and sleeveless shirts and shorts coming up...
Or maybe it was that we got photos back from the bush camp we went on and I could see back fat (I hate that the most) and rolls of fat on my legs/hips - "thips" (I was standing on a hill in jeans, I get that it was kind of inevitable at that angle, but it still urked me) ... but when Facebook claimed an article this morning on how this magic skinny pill was taking Australia by storm -- I was sucked in, excuse the pun, and read it... losing 20-30lbs in a month, yeah I could do with losing that 10kgs I thought to myself, where's the harm... and my mind quickly talked myself into parting with the $10shipping for a trial bottle of some random herb... and a coffee cleanse diet pill, while the other half of my head said "what *are* you doing with this bullshit again??" and the answer was "clinging to some sort of stability while everything else feels so uncertain."
Rummaged the cupboard and found some bottle of knock off ephedra stacker from god knows how long ago, an ebay purchase that I then decided was dodgy, but kept around "just in case". Downed two as it says, before breakfast, albeit noon, and I'm drinking a latte, but hey.
And I came upstairs and called you, to see if you wanted to go for a walk around centennial, and dropped onto the scales, just for a starting point, and to my surprise (and yes I admit delight, ) found a 61.2 instead of a 62 or 63...

You know what's *so* ironic? I think it was a week ago, Ursh was telling me that she'd gained weight (I can't tell either way) and her size 8s (she doesn't look an 8 but whatever) were getting tight and she's scared of gaining blah blah... so she'd puked her dinner... and I was (sincerely) like "no honey, you don't want to go down that road again..." and I meant it.
(And yeah she was blathering about being an 8 and wearing kids undies etc and she doesn't look it, so I was like oh stfu(!) and her mum calling her fat blah blah but she does have a medical condition (sarcoidosis) that makes her lose weight that she can't help, so I just don't get why she'd put herself thru hell to do more. Anyway. I was sincerely like, don't do it.

And I do mean it.
But I do get what triggers it. So much at the moment.

I can't seem to talk to you at the moment which is why i'm writing it all down, so hopefully at some point you'll read this, and you'll understand because you "get it" -- it's not just dramatics. And hopefully it'll pass. I wonder where you are. Do I just come over and see if you are there.

61.2 kg Lost so far: 37.6 kg.    Still to go: 8.2 kg.    Diet followed: Reasonably Well.