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I wasn't focused before. I am now. I wouldn't say I'm cal counting, but I'm aware. I had a little chuckle yesterday - I input my wt and fs said I'd lost blah blah and at this rate I'd reach my goal in under two weeks(!) I don't know how it figures that, probably some really bad math, and not allowing for any human error (or breathing/bingeing) but I was like "sweet, cos I've got about two weeks (20/01) til weigh in..." and Ki, since you may be wondering what is it about this Ann bird that gets under my skin - I guess I can explain it like this. She's my thyroid doc right? And having an over active thyroid can make you skinny, an under active one, (or medication too high) chubby - of course thyroid controls more than just wt, it influences mood, and heart and other key systems in the body as well. But see with Ann, I've tried to tell her I have "eating issues" and I'm afraid of gaining, especially after she said it was pretty much inevitable with starting the neo. She was pretty dismissive, as in "well it's your choice to take the neo, but you're silly if you don't." and what really gets me is she sits there in her size 8-10, and then insists on weighing me every visit, even though I've said I don't like being weighed, and adding insult to injury, she bloody well sends a freaking letter out, to me, to Mary, and the referring GP, after every appointment, detailing anything we talked about, any notes, including my weight recorded, revised bmi etc... So you see where I've got the "ok pressure's on now to lose, don't fuck this up!" from?! I mean I know it's myself, and yeah i wanna lose anyway, and having a "revised height" of 160 means my range is down to 50-64 but kinda like, being "monitored" makes me hyper-aware not to fuck up and be more than I was last time she saw me. Whatever roller coaster I may ride in between, I have to get the number less than the number she has...and allow for a .5kg discrepancy between our scales (worked it out last time, mine unfortunately say I'm less) and clothing, and because her scales always say I'm heavier, no fluids on appt morning. All bc of a fucking weigh in. If she'd just cut the weigh ins I could lose at my own pace, which contrary to popular belief, I don't think would be faster, I just think would be a little healthier and less fucked in the head stressed. I was hoping that after this appointment she would put me onto three monthly, but somehow (like I've been saying to her, or tried to before Xmas) I didn't think my blood work would comeback completely right, (now I'm sure it won't, since I've got this chesty cough) so I doubt she'll let me go to 3monthly. As of today, twenty days til my bday. I was 83 on my bday last year, I'll be happy if I'm 53 this year. If I make it to 50, it's a birthday bonus. If I really try for it, I could make two kg a wk, that'd at least get me my 53..? Sigh. Why is the bar always so high.
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57.3 kg
Lost so far: 41.5 kg.
Still to go: 4.3 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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Losing 2.1 kg a Week
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