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Rained steady all day yesterday, so stayed in the house purging more stuff. Watched the "Konmari" method in a series they had on Netflix most of the time I did it so that I kept moving rather than getting sucked into a movie or TV show. I did actually apply some of her methods to the fat clothes I kept in the back of my drawers except it was more of a "thank you for your service, neither of us had a clue how far I was going to stretch you, enjoy retirement" kinda thing. Two BIG garbage bags for the Goodwill, one bag of scrap for the trash, I guess.
As I was doing it, I had a realization of just how much of the stuff in my house was brought to me by others. Either for storage or for dumping because they didn't want to deal with it. I have guilt over some of it because they were "gifts" or I felt like they aren't mine to dispose of. Some of it is from my grandparents on my father's side. They died in the early 80's, why is their stuff in my house? Pulling on some very distant memories, I know their house was not full of crap, so I imagined their faces as I showed them the literal fifty year old (or more) linens and towels tucked away in a closet and asking me what nonsensical reason I used for keeping it. So, those things will be departing. No one wants to be the one, but I guess it's up to me unless I send it to people. These aren't treasures, they're things like prints and figurines and pots and pans I don't use.
My mother's side of the family tends to buy mindlessly. Meaning the process is more important than the end result. This also happens with food on both sides. Baby coming? Make a huge meal. Someone die? Make a bunch of huge meals. What I'm realizing is that the food and the gifts aren't really that important. It's the act of showing care. Based on that, I'm getting rid of the excess and keeping the amount that can be properly stored (i.e. a stranger can open the closet without having things falling and killing them). I've been doing a good job of purging the kitchen cabinets over the past year, going to extend that purge to the rest of the house.
The biggest challenge and the one I'm not quite ready to take on is going through all of my dad's papers. Towards the end, he was on a huge manic swing and there's a ton of correspondence he wrote and kept copies. It's good, bad and some is really mean. Just depends on the day and whoever was in the crosshairs at that particular moment. I shipped some furniture here from his house and my brother literally snuck in the whole damn desk full of files where it sits untouched some two years later in my front porch. It is a huge raw pile of emotions to work through. He made the desk by hand, so if I can work through the emotions, I'll probably keep it, but it does need some repair due to water damage. Trying to remember the good times and honor the man, not the illness.
Wow, didn't start off intending to write this much. Guess being stuck inside has forced me to deal with feelings rather than going outside and setting them aside for later.
Enjoy what's left of the weekend. There's a lot more feelings left inside me, so stand by for more ramblings as I begin to deal with it.
Peace.
Afternoon edit. Swam early today, did sprints against the higher current. Kicked my ass, had me breathing hard. Which is good. Wore a swimsuit that eluded me earlier this year. Same size and type I wore when I played water polo in high school. Woot! That felt good. Will take the dogs out tonight as well. Needed a mental break from the clearing out today.
View Diet Calendar, 06 January 2019:
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1027 kcal
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Fat: 39.68g | Prot: 107.73g | Carbs: 68.42g.
Breakfast: Optavia Old Fashioned Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal, Heavy Cream, Spectrum Chia Seeds, Good Morning Steel Cut Oatmeal. Lunch: Ken's Steak House Creamy Caesar Dressing, Baby Spinach, Chicken Breast. Dinner: Jana Sashimi Grade Ahi Tuna. Snacks/Other: Medifast Chocolate Chip Soft Bake, Medifast Chocolate Chip Soft Bake, Almonds, Almonds. more...
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