It's happening again, just as it has for every one of my failed diets before it. I start out with the best of intentions and renewed determination, though by 6-8 weeks in, I'm just over it. Once again, I'm starting to get lazy with my diet, starting to make excuses and concessions, and starting to tell myself that I'll get back on track tomorrow after I eat or drink too much on a Friday night after a shitshow of a week at work.
I know full well that it's happening, though I feel powerless to stop it. I'm trying, though I can't force myself care again. I've read through my list of "50 Good Reasons to Lose Weight" a few times, I've looked in the mirror to reaffirm my disgust at myself for letting my weight get this bad, and even looked through photos of myself from 6-7 years ago when I was half my current weight. The inspiration just isn't coming.
Alcohol probably has something to do with it. When I can't indulge in my chosen form of substance abuse (eating too much shitty food), I start leaning heavily on alcohol as a substitute, which from a purely calorie counting perspective is a much more diet-friendly option (though obviously not a healthy one). A few shots of Gin fit into my count far easier than a Large Zinger Stacker Combo from KFC. It works for a short while, though is totally not sustainable. I just end up drinking 5-6 shots a night, annoyed than I'm not getting a buzz out of it because I've built up a tolerance, though somehow also uninhibited and bummed out enough to say, "SCREW IT! What's in the fridge?"
Once I've let myself give in to temptation, holy shit is it hard to get back on track! One piece of wisdom I like to remind myself is, when you you forget to brush your teeth, you don't say "Oh well, damage done, may as well not brush my teeth again for the rest of the week and then start again on Monday", so why apply that same nonsense logic to dieting? If anything, it helps me get back on track a bit faster.
Once again, this post is really for me - I'm just using you lot to create some accountability. By writing this post, I force myself to really reflect on my actions, recognise my poor habits and decisions, and hopefully learn from them. Let's see if it works...
