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It's 4:34am. I am awake because my 4yo son managed to wet the bed, in spite of wearing a nappy, then woke me up to make that my problem too. Now I can't get back to sleep. I have enough trouble sleeping as it is, convincing my anxious brain to shut down, to force myself to stop thinking on the many worries that prevent sleep. Did I say the wrong things today? Do I always? Why does every conversation I have with a stranger put me in a fight or flight for survival state of mind? Why is that social anxiety now worse than ever, now that I appear more socially acceptable? I need to stop replaying these conversations in my head - I can't stop. 47kg is a lot of weight, but the only thing that changed was the size label on my clothing. None of the improved self confidence I was promised, unless you count the confidence to climb stairs. I heard the gentle pitter-patter of my son's feet on the bedroom floor and shushed him before spoke, lest he also wake his Mum, who deserved uninterrupted sleep more than I did. Was I even asleep before I was awakened? Do I really sleep? I miss my own Mum, undeservedly taken too soon, shortly before meeting the grandkids she would have wholeheartedly adored, soggy sheets notwithstanding. My life's biggest regret, always on my mind yet beyond my control then, now, and forever. How's that saying go? "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." I think it's part of a prayer, though could well have been a wholesome stoicism, straight from the writings of Epictetus some 2000 years ago. I am ever humbled and thankful for the congratulations I receive for my weight-loss achievement, though I would have valued my Mum's adulation above all others... one of the cats is walking on the piano at the other end of the house, in rising amelodic tones. I rush to shoo the moggy Mozart lest he wake the whole house with his early morning étude. Cat shit in the corner of the room. The second time tonight I deal with an excretion not my own. I can hear the morning birds. It's 6:12am.
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1127 kcal
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Fat: 70.56g | Prot: 71.37g | Carbs: 51.29g.
Breakfast: Cadbury Flake Bar, Egg (Whole), Coles White Bread Sandwich Slice, Rump Steak, Coles Sliced White Mushrooms, Cooked Broccoli (from Fresh), Western Star Original Spreadable Butter, Brussels Sprouts. more...
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 Comments
I was recently diagnosed with social anxiety, I've most likely had it since childhood...I lose sleep over things that happened 20 years ago! Mine has turned into Fibromyalgia, and fortunately the constant pain leads to exhaustion and I usually sleep like a log these days. There is always an upside! I've recently started with a psychologist and it's doing wonders, and about to start on anxiety meds. Turns out this is also why I binge on sugar, I use it as a drug. I've been told to start thanking my body for helping keep me safe, but then telling it 'no thanks, I'm safe and ok'. I stop and breathe as much as I can. It's amazing how far I got as a wind-playing musician without breathing! You'll find ways forward, all the answers are out there 🙂
28 Jul 23 by member: spicehorn
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I hear you TDX00, I've had social anxiety my whole life and still do.This is why I binge on sugar and carbs. Although today I manage my anxiety better but I still don't like it and fight with it, fight with myself. Its exhausting getting hooked into the negative thoughts that have a life of their own, dragging me down and making me feel powerless to stop it. Remembering to breathe and focusing on that creates a short circuit for a while till I get my bearings and can do something helpful for myself. I've had year's of therapy but sometimes I just have to hang in there till it passes. Then hopefully learn something new about myself from the pain and continue to move forward. Life socially is full of triggers I have no control over but I don't seem to get dragged down as much anymore, perhaps I'm more willing to stop fighting, perhaps because I'm getting old and tired and probably because I want to learn to look after myself and stop hurting and enjoy my life. I know that doing this journey together is easier and you've done so well and come so far. That's amazing! 😊
28 Jul 23 by member: Gejah11
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So, what I've recently learnt is that, having to manage anxiety and everything associated with it, we shouldn't feel bad if we sometimes use food to help us get through the day. We shouldn't feel guilty, bad or disappointed....we have a lot to cope with! We need to have a break sometimes 💜
28 Jul 23 by member: spicehorn
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I agree, lifes hard enough, putting a new way of living into practice takes courage. I'm now learning to relax, I thought that sort of thing came naturally so I can relive myself of that guilt. 💜 😊
28 Jul 23 by member: Gejah11
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listening to music can be calming and help you drift off again. have you heard The Stars Above Us All by Matthew Hindson on the Hush Album. it is beautiful.
29 Jul 23 by member: harri r
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I play the Stars Above us All to my kids at school.when they get roudy. They love it 🙂
29 Jul 23 by member: spicehorn
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💗💗 I have no words of wisdom, but couldn't go past without acknowledging
29 Jul 23 by member: Lexxieee
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29 Jul 23 by member: EmmmCeee
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I feel for the little boy. As a gg (great grandmother) My family had to deal with a 6yr old bed-wetting child
problem solved we hired a bed-wetting blanket and when wet an alarm went off.. lol WOKE everyone else but sleeping child. It did work though after we sent it back the child stopped. The child grew into a very intelligent caring person. Motto. we all have problems but be careful how u solve it. good luck.
30 Jul 23 by member: CHUBBS.HALL
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31 Jul 23 by member: Sallyjeanm
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PS, my daughter flooded the bed consistently until she was 6 or 7. it didn't bother her in the slightest! Then, it suddenly stopped, and I regained brain-function. Until the anxiety returned, anyway 😂 🎊👏🍾⛅
31 Jul 23 by member: spicehorn
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