TDX00's Journal

TDX00's Profile | Weight History

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11 December 2023

I've been meaning to weigh myself the few days, though I only ever do that first thing in the morning, before I've had so much as a sip of water that might sway the scales in an unfavourable and demoralising direction, resulting in me stomping around all day in the only pants I own that still fit me - my cranky pants! Having not eaten since noon the previous day, I'm very singularly-minded once my feet hit the bedroom carpet in the morning, as those feet steer me straight to the pantry for a pre-breakfast protein bar. Only once I'm picking peanut bits out of my back molars with my tongue does it occur to me to weigh myself. I'll have to leave a post-it note reminder on tomorrow morning's protein bar.

I've made it to Day 6 of this diet re-start, which is cool and all - feeling good about it. That's three days longer than most of the failed attempts I've had these past three months, so I'm going to take that as early sign that it's going to stick this time. Even if it fails, again, I'm still a few days better off than I would have been had I spent that time drinking cans of Hard Solo to cleanse my pallet between pastries and meat pies.

Any of y'all play Wordle? Or use DuoLingo? If so, you'll know the sting of breaking a daily streak after weeks or months of sequential daily success. That's what re-starting this diet feel like right now - like I've just broken a 365 day streak and now have to start again. Like I forgot to save my place on the second last level of a video game, died due to my own stupidity, and now have to go back ten levels to the half way point. When that happens, it's so easy to exclaim, "Fuck this bullshit!" and give up. Starting again from zero, it hurts, it's fucking hard, and it's going to take a hell of a lot longer streak than six days before I start feeling like I'm accomplishing anything. Now that I think about it, I'd give it two months. That's as good a short-term diet goal as any yeah? Two months to get back to 100kg, which is... ohhh! Oh fuck! February 11th! That's my son's 5th birthday!

Oooffff, that got me right in the feels! That's some raw motivation right there! Age 5 - that's when the fun starts, and I need to be fit enough to enjoy it too. That's when the little lunatic starts Joey Scouts and joins a soccer club, and I want to be all in on that shit! OK OK, new diet motto: "When The Fun Starts, Don't Be A Fat C#*t!"

(7 comments)

10 December 2023

I can usually resist the urge to partake of any given kid's party birthday cake, especially after witnessing the kid bespeckle it with spittle, though this homemade masterpiece was a dark chocolate mud cake with 'Swiss meringue' cream... and it was fudging delicious. No regrets! I still went to bed starving to death, like normal, so I don't feel like I've totally betrayed my diet.

(1 comment)

08 December 2023

Well the count is in. I've packed 20.7kg back on over the past 120 days - a rate of 1.2kg per week. It'll take about that long to fix... I believe this ranks as the second stupidest thing I've ever done, right below lending a drunk Irish backpacker my car.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
112.4 kg	25.9 kg	22.4 kg	Reasonably Well

(3 comments) Gaining 1.2 kg a Week

07 December 2023

Well, I'm back. I return to you now with my tail between my legs, having monumentally failed to maintain my weight after ending my year-long diet back in August. I don't know my current weight - I'm not mentally prepared for that demoralising disappointment just yet, though it's safe to say I've put on at least 20kg since then. That's six months of progress utterly obliterated in just 12 weeks of eating and a drinking like the fat fucking moron I am.

I gave away all my fat guy clothes as some kind of incentive/commitment to maintain my weight, though now I'm too fat for what's left in my wardrobe. I've been wearing the same tight-fitting pair of cargo shorts for weeks now because I'm not ready to admit defeat by buying new fat pants. They say a goldfish will grow to suit the size of its tank. Similarly, I know I will grow to fill bigger pants, and that I cannot abide. Let these constrictive cargo shorts serve as both a constant reminder that I fucked up, and a measure of my progress towards fixing it.

Today is Day 2 of a return to starving to death on 1600kcal-ish and one meal a day. Day 2 is always the hardest. By now my body has figured out what I'm doing and is pulling out all the stops to convince me to eat the bag of delicious, zesty, slightly sweet Bundaberg Ginger Beer flavoured chips (pictured) that I hid out of sight in the back of my pantry... But my mind is winning the battle, because it knows what comes after the chips: the greasy-fingered, post-chip spiral of self loathing that only leads to more eating and further despair.

December is a really shit time to re-start a diet, and I expect to be re-starting it multiple times this month. Alongside Christmas and NYE celebrations, I also have various work parties, kids birthday parties, a child-free 40th, and a 4-day camping trip to enjoy. Also, the humidity of summer (and my total inability to endure it with grace and dignity) always brings out my inner nihilist. I know my diet won't survive some of these hurdles - I 100% know and accept this, though if I keep on my current path of drive-thru self destruction, sprinkled with chippy crumbs as it is, I'll easily put on another 5kg by 2024. Doing nothing to prevent that inevitability is not an option! My plan for December is to enjoy the few days that are meant to be enjoyed, but to stick to my diet on the days where I have no good excuse not to. I won't lose any weight this month, especially if I go heavy on the mini quiches and party pies, though I shouldn't put any weight on either, and that's totally fine. To maintain is my goal. I will ride out the December storms and find sure footing come 2024.

(9 comments)

28 September 2023

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
99.8 kg	38.5 kg	9.8 kg	Reasonably Well

(2 comments) Losing 7.5 kg a Week

TDX00's Weight History

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